Hello, it's me.

 Hello all and welcome back to the blog! 

Home for the 4th

It's been a LONG time since I posted because stuff was shit for a while and then things got better and life got busy. I'm doing great now and I'm still in the greatest state in our nation- Texas. (don't tell them otherwise 😊). I've been hearing this heat in my part of Texas is fairly mild for this summer- maybe due to the snowpocalypse in February? Who knows. I'm still in my little house and I'm obsessed with sweeping my porch and would make my grandmother proud to know I'm bleaching my porch and sidewalks (mold). I'm fighting battles against scorpions coming into my house for many reasons but #1 is I don't want those bastards killing my dog. Good news though is she sleeps all day on my bed and I've been keeping up good maintenance to keep them out. However this week I had two in the same day. one was in my sink! I killed him and then straight up poured bleach down my drains in case there were any stragglers. Bleach is my go-to killer if it's nearby. 

Anyway- to backtrack some. I lost my job in February at the SNF I was working at locally. My DOR and the administrator were/are pieces of shit, to say the least. I really liked the girls I worked with and there are some great, caring employees there. Unfortunately corporate bullshit can get into best clinical practice and patient care. I won't go into all of it because 1) it's not necessary and 2) just thinking about it pisses me off again. Again, I liked my co-therapists in the short time we worked together so NONE of my frustration is directed at them. I can hold a good grudge and I will this time. Why so angry Lindsey? Maybe you're the problem? If the problem is caring too much about my patients, being diligent, and trying to avoid participating in potential Medicare fraud- then yes I am the problem. I work way too hard to be a puppet. I truly love working in SNF but I can't handle the politics of it including the productivity standards. That's beside the point and I have had some AMAZING co-workers and bosses (you know who you are). Aside from many other reasons when you tell your boss that you have depression and anxiety it should be used as a means to understand their behavior, motivation, or whatever. It should NOT be held against you. Until you've been to where you don't want to do anything including getting up for work and function then you don't know. I think I get more mad thinking about it all because of what it did to me mentally. I was in a dark, dark place. 

BUT IT GETS SO MUCH BETTER. 

I took advantage of time between jobs and got to explore a lot and go out in nature. I started a new job end of March in pediatrics doing both clinic and home health. I am happy to be back in peds and don't hate my job after 6 months thus far. It's been a great refreshing start over in this population and has improved my confidence and state of mind for sure. It's kind of sad how much I can base my self-worth on how my job is going. I enjoy working with kids (though I miss the seniors) and feel really comfortable with my place and position. I feel like I am respected and my opinion is valued and that  I can do good things. I'm also seeing someone special but I'm not ready to introduce him to the world yet. He has also made me happier. 

so I'M OK and out of that dark place and into a really good one overall. Texas is great (minus the bugs) and I'm out here doing my thing. Bella continues to live her best life. 

Here are some pictures from this summer. Peace, love, and donuts- ME

Meet Tex. He comes over for treats. Don't make eye contact if you don't have time for treats. 

REMEMBER THE ALAMO

Fourth of July in STL

MoBot with mom and Peg

                
                                               Don't fly with your dog if your dog is Bella. 

Barton Springs Municipal Pool, Austin. Robert Redford learned to swim here when he was 5. 

Carter Creek Winery and Resort

'It never hurts to keep looking for sunshine.'

 

Hello readers! I'm not going to say much on this post, just going to put some picture updates of the snow and places we've (Bella and I) have been. I'm not feeling Mary Sunshiny today (when am I ever) so I won't act like it. I'm definitely an Eeyore today. A little bit of pediatric self-regulation and awareness for you: are you an Eeyore, Tigger, or a Pooh? Pooh is 'just right'. You can figure out which end Tigger and Eeyore are on. 

Last couple weeks have been really rough. That's all I will say. If you know, you know. If you don't know it's ok everything will eventually be alright.

Here are some winter weather pictures:

Here are some outdoorsy pictures. I've been getting out and walking/hiking a lot. 

Canyon Riverview Trail (or something like that), Austin

Spring Lake Preserve, San Marcos

Mary Moore Metropolitan Park, Austin

Jacob's Well, Wimberley

McKinney Falls State Park, Austin

Mom visits!
Austin

Bella is so happy to see her Grandma

Bastrop State Park, Bastrop

Blue Hole Regional Park

Spring Lake Preserve

Until next time when I can be more verbose and uplifting:

 Peace, love, and a good night's sleep

ME

2020 Roll-out

 hello everyone and happy new year! thank God it's 2021.Let's get this shit started. This year has got to be better. 

So let's wrap up 2020 for Lindsey and re-cap the good, the bad, and the fugly. 

💥 2020 💥

• Physically have worked in 8 different SNFs this year; 7 with one company.
• Moved twice this year (at least it's less than 2018 and 2019) with the aid of my fabulous movers/life-givers- my parents.
• My friend Julie B moved in with myself and Bella; 1st time (and probably last time) living with a cat. As I have stated previously; I do like the cat despite her status as an asshole.
• Left my job of 11 months to start a new job in another state- I'm still emotional thinking about my friends that have become family I left behind. However I had lost myself completely and feel like I'm slowly coming back to the old Lindsey. 
• Moved to Texas (obviously you know this if you're reading my blog). I really miss my friends and family in MO but I'm trying to keep myself busy so I don't get lonely or homesick.
• Successfully avoided getting COVID-19! What a year for healthcare to say the least. To all who have lost someone to COVID my heart goes out to you. No need to extrapolate further on that because we all know it's horrible.
• Read 42 books this year; most books read in July and December.
• Had a pay cut 😔 but was fortunate to work consistently throughout the year.
• Multiple breakdowns regarding life, work, and general stress. If you're someone I have called crying THANK YOU for being there for me. 
• Been called the "most tired therapist" by a dear patient (it's called depression thank you)- I'm counting this as an award, ok?
• got reading glasses because I'm old and small print now hurts my eyes.
• Did NOT kill any deer this year however did kill a raccoon (read previous post for details). 
• Met some amazing patients/residents at my facility that I truly enjoyed working with; sharing stories; talking about dogs, bowel movements, family members, etc. These men and women have lived full lives before coming to your nursing home and have amazing stories and deserve dignity. I miss my patient who was my Diet Coke buddy (she's alive I just moved). 
• Had some definite closure on a subject that has given me a better outlook for 2021 and the future in general.
• Killed a lot of houseplants this year; must be the lighting...
• Bella got 7 teeth pulled at her cleaning; now her tongue sticks out some.
• Diagnosed myself with countless conditions this year; consider yourself lucky if you have heard or seen any pictures of these issues.
• Have had like 3 drinks all year- I prefer a Diet Coke honestly. 
• Wondered if 36 was too young to retire? 

FUN FACT ALERT: 

I work in San Marcos TX which has a mermaid history, believe it or not. There was an amusement park called Aquarena Springs back in the day (1950s) where they did mermaid water shows. The water here is so clear I can see why there is so much water activity. Anyway- the shows were done near the start of the San Marcos river and the mermaids were the main attraction at this park. You can read more about the history HERE. I did some investigating because obviously I didn't know. There's tons of mermaid stuff and a festival in September. We actually have a patient or two who were mermaids in these shows which begs the question... can lack of oxygen increase your risk of developing dementia? Regardless it's interesting to read about these 'aquamaids'- there was even a swimming pig. 

Ralph the pig

Swimming clowns; not creepy at all. 

That's all she wrote today. Hope everyone is having a fresh start to this new year. 

Peace, love, and the Lord above,

ME 

THE STARS AT NIGHT ARE BIG AND BRIGHT

 HAPPY HOLIDAYS AND SEASONS GREETINGS TO ALL!

I have moved out of MO to TX! I am living about 30 minutes South of Austin in Kyle; very close to all things river activities and universities. I am working in a SNF which of course has had a recent COVID outbreak.

 

Listening to this wonderful album while I blog. 

It's a bittersweet time. While I am excited for a new start in a new place (permanent job) I get sentimental thinking about this past year. I can't seem to get my shit together and wish I could so I can find peace. I'm too old to be doing this shit anymore but not old enough that I can retire. This year has been a bitch to have anxiety, depression, insecurities, and being a healthcare worker. In short- I did not want to move back to STL for many reasons (NONE related to family) and knew I could not carry on in Osage Beach. I still wonder if I made the right decision for leaving my job there- I have made some amazing friends and memories there. I'm getting emotional and teary as I write this. I know if I had stayed there the stress I put on myself and from the job itself would have made me completely lose myself.  I loved all my co-workers and will miss everyone- especially those who have made the last couple weeks more enjoyable and special. I miss everyone right now because I'm crying and probably because it's Christmas. I worked here 11 months and thats  long time after doing contract jobs. Anyway- I want to give some shout-outs and then i'll be less serious. 

My PT buddy Yuvy and my lil sis Chelsey. 

Halloween insects

Good hair days and appreciation t shirts with Julie B and Yuvy

Lakeside/Ozark/Richland therapy family: Sheila, Julie P, Julie B, Grover, Jessica, Chelsey (yes you count here), Danielle, Yuvy, Haylee (even though you're gone now)- I love you all and am so fortunate to have worked with you and know you. I hope we stay in touch.

Lakeside Stonebridge Family: Work-mom Mindy, Chelsey, Jennifer, Tylie, Cheryl, Patty, Lyndsay, Trish, Sandra, Donna M, Donna O, Don, Ally, Holly, etc. You're all amazing at what you do and who you are. I'm sure I've forgotten someone.

Extended Stonebridge Family: Hannah, Danielle L, Alyssa, Pitu, Jami, Jackie, Joyce, Lydia- you're all amazing. And hasn't it been so much fun to try to figure out everyday what the hell is going on and who's going where? 

We loved Ha Ha Tonka State Park in Camdenton! Definitely recommend if you go down to the lake! 

So before I left Osage Beach and because I hadn't hit an animal in over a year (last one a doe; a deer, a female deer) I had to go and freaking kill a RACCOON. And for those who don't know my driving history this is raccoon #2, + the doe, and a couple squirrels thrown in there.I swear I do not try to do this. I'm going to meet Chelsey for drinks and I'm driving across the Glaize bridge and this fat lil' raccoon is waddling across the bridge; until he wasn't waddling anymore because I killed him. I heard this loud CRACK! and i thought 'that must be the bones'- it turns out it wasn't that but cracking my bumper. Awesome. If I am mauled by raccoons, squirrels, or deer at this point I won't be surprised. I do wonder if this raccoon was under some mental stress as they were on a bridge over the lake but hey- it's been a rough year for everyone. However I think the raccoons are on to me as I think those are the footprints on my car roof. If I disappear you'll know why. 

My amazing movers/parents moved me out of my Osage Beach apartment and we took hopefully our last road trip back down to Texas (older viewers and friends will recall I worked there in 2018). I am excited to be both near Austin and San Antonio for activities but happy to have a quiet place to live outside of a major city.  There are lot of warm weather activities to do including tons of parks and river stuff in the spring/summer. I am thrilled to be back in Texas and start over in many ways. I LOVE my family and all my amazing friends- I want to stay in touch and please visit. 

Guadalupe River

When the Trazodone hits...

That's all for now, I'll post pics of my house next time.

Thanks for reading

Peace, love, and bluebells

ME

Do More of What Makes you Happy

Ha Ha Tonka State Park

Buddies 4 Life

Hello Hello Hello!

Welcome back. It's been over 2 months since I said I'd post shortly after I posted pictures. Here I am now. Life changes and I think we all know this year has been shit, to say the least. 

Well- it's November and I'm still in Osage Beach for now. I wasn't here last year this time of year so it has been nice to see the colors change. And it's the time of year where people are not watching for deer on the road during their mating season and unfortunately there are a lot of carcasses out there. I have learned my lesson from my CA experience to be hyper-vigilant although this doesn't transfer to other aspects of my driving. Speaking of- I nearly got a $750 dollar fine for speeding in a construction zones. Thankfully I got a warning from Officer Reno 911 and also hyper-vigilant in this area as well.

Ok, so A LOT has happened in this world since I wrote a post in May this year (aside from the pics of course). The world of healthcare has become more exhausting to put it lightly- nursing home healthcare during a pandemic is different than a hospital. We have lost SO MANY people this year- Covid and non-Covid and it breaks my heart. My love goes out to the nursing staff (including techs and CNAs) who have been by these folks' sides during their final moments and seen so much in a short amount of time. 

This isolation has been a bitch on everyone- your 87 y/o grandma who you haven't seen since February is probably not the same person now. We are slowly opening things back up now that things are on the mend for us. Of course the threat is still out there.  I am not going to get political on here at all but I will say this- to anyone who thinks the virus is not real or not as bad- maybe it isn't to most people, but it is detrimental to the elderly population. That's all about that. 

Being a therapist under a highly demanding company (all therapy companies have struggled this year due to facility shut downs over Covid) has taken its toll on me. I feel like I am not the person I was when I started this job- can I blame all of that on work? no. But a significant portion yes. I feel like I am a shell of a human being- existing on cheese, Diet Coke, and sour patch kids (healthy- I know). I am grateful for the consistent hours when many have not had them so do not get me wrong there. I feel like I'm a hollow chocolate Easter Bunny (but like a good kind of chocolate, not that cheap crap) with no emotion left. I care about all my patients and work my ass off. I wear glasses now because those tiny iPads are hurting my eyes. I rarely wear makeup and feel like I have permanent purple baggage under my eyes. Naps are one of my greatest past-times. I feel like a pawn in this big ass game of chess with no checkmate in sight- just being checked myself to make sure I'm never feeling quite good about myself as a professional. That's just the tip of the iceberg really. 

I am NOT asking for sympathy or comments. That is not my point. My point is that this year has been f*cking rough on ALL OF US everywhere with sometimes little empathy for the worker bees. 

In conjunction with that- this year has changed me and many ways not for the better because of life and work strain. So if I haven't been in touch with you or seem not myself- I haven't been but I'm trying to find the ol' Lindsey gal again. she's in here somewhere. 

I'm trying to make moves in the right direction and get ol' Lindsey back. I'm sure what's happening next but I'm working on it. 

Yuva- my PT buddy

\

'Free t-shirt during a pandemic' day

Sunset over School Buses

When your roommate has a cat who is trying to teach you how to be a cat person. Dogs 4 Life. 

Thanks for reading,

don't worry- I'm fine.

Peace, love, and houseplants,

ME